Day 79 - Impatience vs a quiet mind

Patrick's email this morning got me thinking about a quiet mind. Never having practiced za-zen (although I bought a book once does that count?) I have no idea what it is like to quiet one's mind. I am constantly plotting, planning, strategising, visualising, working through logistics, writing blog posts or emails, virtual conversations, coding my software. I just can't seem to help it. I do this when I am on the bus, walking down the street, skipping or even when staring into space. I am quite pathological about it. The only time my brain is quiet is when I am reading a book - something I love to do each night before I go to sleep. It does help to find the brain off switch.

My friend once ran into me in a subway station and I was walking along not quite talking to myself but certainly a look on my face that showed there was a lot going on in my brain. She still gives me shit about it from time to time. It does drive Hubbilicious nuts sometimes but then he does defer to me when it comes to booking flights, holidays or even just which exit to use when getting off the subway cos I always know where I am and where I need to go and he is a real fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kinda guy.

Now with the baby and working, I need to be super organised so I guess it is just my way of controlling my environment so I don't get overwhelmed and freaked out.

I am totally left brained and logical. Not an A-type personality most of the time but I sure do have some A-type traits. I am sure I am not alone in this group of PCP'ers. Most of us seem to be expats of some description and are at various stages of success in their work and personal lives. We all had enough of a desire to take on this fairly ambitious project and stick at it. Giving up the control of our lives was really hard at first.

I did find it amusing that at the beginning, most of us were negotiating for our fave things, food, exercises, schedules etc. We wanted it all and wanted it now!! Patrick (the seasoned mentor, unwilling to enter into these negotiations) just said, "Do it whatever way you like but at your own risk for your results." Then the results starting showing so we STFU and released our vice-like grip on the controls for a bit. But now that we have to go back to the real world, some of us don't want to leave. Or we want to have all the information NOW so we can do it our own way.

OK - I am blathering now - you can see how scary my brain is at times as it never shuts up. It does explain why I have never mastered the art of pith in my long emails and blog posts. Perhaps a bit of meditation in my life wouldn't be such a bad thing...  especially if I want to improve my skipping skills it seems.

Anyway - skips done between breakfast and morning snack. Conny can testify to this as she happened to call in the middle of my second set. Then I did the workout before taking my boobs to daycare to feed Max his lunch. Why they will not accept expressed milk is just beyond me but yet again I digress. All went well in the workout with failure in the push ups and show offs but those planks take ages to do now - 5 sets of 90seconds is a long time.

Now am at the office catching up on more coding while it is quiet.